神盾顾问

【光头】：你饿吗?这里的烙饼很棒。                  You hungry?hey make great pancakes here.【Coulson探员】：（沉默……）  【光头】：那事没办好，是吧？                  It didin't go well,did it?【Coulson探员】：是的，我没办好。                               No,I did not.【光头】：他们拒绝邀请了?                 They reject the initiative?【Coulson探员】：当然没有                              Of course not.                          但是他们提出了一个你能想象到的最愚蠢无耻的要求    But they made the most idiotic ill conceivable request imaginable.                      他们想让布朗斯基（无敌浩克反派）加入我们                   They want Blonski in the team.【光头】：“憎恶！”                The abomination.【Coulson探员】：他们非常不喜欢这个称呼。                   They really don't like it when you call him that.【光头】：但是哈莱姆事件……                  But the Harlem incident...         （回顾无敌浩克街头对决场面）【Coulson探员】：他们把责任一概推给班纳。                             They're pining that on Banner.【光头】：推给班纳!?                 On Banner?【Coulson探员】：班纳可不是好惹的家伙！                            Not the guy you wanna make angry.                          他们把布朗斯基视为战斗英雄，                       They consider Blonski a war hero,                       他们想让他无罪释放,还想把他加到军功花名册里            They wanna exonerate it, release and add it to roster.【光头】：他们认为他在我们手里?                 They think we have him?【Coulson探员】：你的机密等级是多少                              What's your clearance level?【光头】：没事,6级                 Fine,it's level 6,                和你一样……                 like you.                ……                 拜托,难道还有第7级?                 Come on, there's a level 7?【Coulson探员】：布朗斯基被关在罗斯将军的部门。                            Blonski's in custoty in General Ross's sector.【光头】：福瑞长官要布朗斯基吗?                  Is Director Fury even want Blonski?【Coulson探员】：当然不要！但他不能不把全球安全委员会放在眼里。Of course not,but he can't ignore explicit directly from the World's Security Council.                   所以我们必须避免让这种事发生。                 So we have to make sure he doesn't have to.【光头】：我们哪有什么鬼方法去避免?                 How the hell we're gonna do that?【Coulson探员】：我也不知如何是好。                              I have no idea.                             但是我们必须在24小时内派一名联络员去找将军          But we have to sent a liaison to the general within 24 hours.【光头】：那么按照委员会的指令，我们必须派一个我们的人去向罗斯将军要我们并不想要的布朗斯基?So on the council's orders, we have to sent one of our people down to General Ross ask for Blonski who we don't even want?【Coulson探员】：没错                              Exactly.【光头】：（思考良久……）                  有了！                 I got it.                我们派个人去当诱饵！               We sent a patsy to sabotage the debriefing.【Coulson探员】：诱饵?                               A patsy?【光头】：对,派人搞乱他！                Yes,some one to screw it up,              诱饵织一张网，罗斯将军上了钩之后就会拒绝释放布朗斯基some one to sew a net,then General Ross will refuse to release Blonski.               我可以去当诱饵，                I could do it.              我超会当诱饵！              I do a great patsy.【Coulson探员】：对，你确实牛逼，你当诱饵无人能敌。                           Yes,you do. Your 'pasty''s legendary.                           事实上，我只要一想到“诱饵"这个词……                         In fact,when I think of the word 'pasty'...【光头】：好吧……                  All right.【Coulson探员】：我在想这种事我们需要一些非常手段。             I'm thinking for this we need a slightly different skill set. 如果我们想让将军拒绝邀请，我们就必须派一个会让他非常讨厌的人If we want the general to refuse the request,then we have to sent some one who will truely annoyed him.                  这人必须傲慢又鲁莽，                  some one arrogant and abrasive,                  非常藐视权威，                  with an utter disdain for authority,                 能把将军恶心到不行。                 some one who'd offend the general to his very core.【光头】：你说的我们的顾……                 You're talking about the consu...【Coulson探员】：不，才不是                              No, I'm not.【光头】：你说的完全就是他！                  You just describe the routine.【Coulson探员】：我正式告诉你，少来，我才不给顾问打电话……         I am telling you right now, stop it, I'm not calling the consultant.（酒吧，钢铁侠顾问闪亮登场……）【钢铁侠Stark】：我闻到了扎啤和窝囊废的味道。                             I smells steel bear and defeat.                             我不想事后诸葛亮，将军，但你那个超级士兵计划不是无缘无故被冻结的。  You know, I hate to say I told you so, General, but that 'Super soldier' program was put on ice for a reason.                        我个人还是觉得硬件才更可靠一点                 I always felt hardware was much more reliable.【Ross将军】：斯塔克！                          Stark!【钢铁侠Stark】：将军。                             General.【Ross将军】：你永远穿着这么漂亮的西装                          You always wears such nice suits.【钢铁侠Stark】：说得好.                             Touche.                           听说你有了个不寻常的麻烦                          I hear you have an unusual problem.【Ross将军】：有何指教？                         You should talk.【钢铁侠Stark】：你听着……                             You should listen...     （场景切换，餐厅）【光头】：怎么样，有消息吗                  So, any word?【Coulson探员】：任务完成了。                               Mission accomplished.                            "憎恶"可以暂时呆在他的牢笼里了。                            The abomination will remain in his cage for now.                            很显然我们的顾问证明了自己。                            Apparently the consultant updated himself.                           罗斯气得想叫人把他轰出酒吧。             Ross got so mad he try to had him removed from the bar.【光头】：最后怎么样                  How that go over?【Coulson探员】：斯塔克把酒吧买了                              Stark bought the place.                             他们计划周四爆破……                            They schedule for demolition on Thursday……—————————————（完）——————————————

豆瓣7.6分，31249人评价。对于一部只有4分钟的短片，这个分数说明它至少没让粉丝失望。甚至觉得，它比某些动不动两小时的MCU正片更清楚自己在干什么。科尔森和希特维尔的对话就是全部内容。没有动作戏，没有特效爆炸，两个特工坐在一起，讨论怎么让罗斯将军听话。他们想到了托尼·斯塔克——这个在《钢铁侠2》刚惹完麻烦的家伙，正好可以用来当“坏警察”。结尾那一秒，托尼一脸无奈地被引入，科尔森偷笑，整个漫威式的轻松幽默就出来了。观众反馈里有人夸这个反转设计，确实，4分钟能把一个包袱抖响，不容易。但你说它有多深刻？没有。它就是一块拼图，把《无敌浩克》和《复仇者联盟》之间的逻辑空隙填上：为什么神盾局要招揽托尼？因为罗斯将军那边搞不定。有意思的是，这个小短片，与其说是电影，不如说是粉丝福利。幕后花絮里提到它是随《雷神》蓝光碟附赠的，目的就是给核心影迷多点料。我欣赏它的一点是：不贪多。4分钟，只讲清楚一件事，不塞入任何多余的剧情或人物。这种克制在现在的漫威作品里反而少见。要是所有填坑短片都这么干脆，观众哪还用去补什么衍生剧？当然，普通观众觉得它短得没头没尾，娱乐性有限——这话没错，毕竟它本来是光碟赠品，不是院线大片。但作为MCU扩展宇宙的“外科手术式”补充，它精准、高效，还带点俏皮。7.6分，值了。