克里斯·洛克：选择性愤怒

They sell $100 non-racist yoga pants, I think I speak for the entire audience tonight when I say most people in this crowd would prefer a pair of $20 racist yoga pants. That’s yoga pants whistle ni**a as you walk.By the way, speaking of commercials, when didSnoop Doggbecome Morgan Freeman?They say we are addicted to opioids, but opioids are not the biggest addiction in America, not even close, man, the biggest addiction in America is attention.And right now, we live in a world where the emergency room is filled up with motherfuckers with paper cuts.That’s right. I’m on your side. I believe you should have the right to kill as many babies as you want. Kill ’em all, I don’t give a fuck. But let’s not get it twisted, it is killing a baby. ‘Cause whenever I pay for an abortion, I request a dead baby. Sometimes, I call up the doctor like a hit man. “Is it done?”And people argue first trimester, second trimester. First trimester, second trimester. I think women should have the right to kill a baby until it’s four years old. That’s right, fuck trimester. Semester. I think you should be able to kill a baby till you get that first report card. [exclaims] “He ain’t never getting a scholarship.” “Okay, you can finish watchingStranger Things, but when it’s over, we going to the clinic.” “Hurry up, I’m trying to get a smoothie.”Yes. Robert Kardashian helped to free O.J. Simpson. That’s right. And from that day on, from the day that he helped to free O.J. Simpson, from the time O.J. Simpson left that court… From that day on, Robert Kardashian was cursed. That’s right. The judge said, “Not guilty.” O.J. left the court, got in his Bronco, drove away. And soon as O.J. drove away, God appeared. And God walked up to Robert Kardashian and God said, “Robert Kardashian!” “For the sin of helping to free O.J. Simpson, a Black, football-playing murderer, from this day forth, for the rest of eternity, till the end of time, your daughters will fuck nothing but n*ggas!“And not just any n*ggas, crazy n*ggas.” “The craziest n*ggas to ever live.”Them Rock girls are fucking spoiled. I remember my youngest,Zahra, when she was in kindergarten, one day, the teacher said, “Today, we’re gonna learn about the four seasons.” And Zahra said, “That’s my favorite hotel.”

73分钟，克里斯·洛克在Netflix全球直播里，把“选择性愤怒”撕开给你看。豆瓣7.7分，不到一万人评价，但这个数字掩盖了它的分量。金球奖、艾美奖、导演工会奖三项提名，最炸裂的当然是最后十分钟。有意思的是，洛克终于开口提了奥斯卡掌掴事件，不是道歉，不是抱怨，而是用一种近乎残忍的幽默解构了整件事：“威尔·史密斯打了我，但他老婆出轨了，他就能打我？这就是选择性愤怒。” 这句话直接让全场沸腾。之前的所有段子——关于种族歧视、关于疫情、关于政治正确——都在为这一刻蓄力。他并没有把威尔·史密斯骂成恶人，反而承认“我还是爱他的”，但紧接着追问：“为什么公众对某些激烈对抗愤怒，对另一些暴力视而不见？” 这种精准刺痛，不是新人才有的能力，是洛克30年舞台经验炼出来的刀。但我得说，前60分钟确实有点“老炮儿”的疲态。段子结构很工整，但笑点密度不够，有些关于跨性别和堕胎的调侃，在2023年看来已经不算冒犯，甚至有点安全。专业评价里那句“保持了一贯的锋利吐槽风格”，我怀疑是冲着最后十分钟写的…观众反馈里也有人觉得“整体保守”，我不是完全反对。不过，直播形式救了他。Netflix首个全球直播单口喜剧，这个噱头本身就制造了紧张感——你不知道下一秒会不会翻车，会不会又有人冲上台。当洛克在台上谈论“控制欲”时，镜头扫过观众席，那些紧张的脸，那种剧场里才有的真实反应，是任何录播都替代不了的。所以，值不值得看？如果你只想看一场完美无瑕的脱口秀，可能失望。但如果你想知道一个60岁的老喜剧人怎么用十分钟的独白，把全世界关注的丑闻变成自己的舞台，那你必须看。最后，我想说：选择性愤怒是个好概念，但它真正厉害的地方，是让人在看到这个标题后，开始审视自己——我也会选择性愤怒吗？会的。洛克不让我们逃开这个问题。